Air Rage
Travelling through the air, across thousands of miles can sometimes be a pleasure! A comfortable seat, considerate fellow passengers and a great film washed down with a cold drink. Bliss. I love it when no sooner have you taken off, that the pilot announces 20minutes to landing. (Unless of course the map appears on your screen and you miss the end of the movie…)
On the odd occasion, flying can be a bit of a headache. There are one or two things that really raise my blood pressure. The first is when people do that irritating thing with their seat buckle. Have you noticed that men (in particular) seem unable to control themselves from flicking the metal plate, this way and that? They appear oblivious to the noise and my glaring.
Then there’s the wailing babies and headphone-less kids with an iPad and an unhealthy obsession with Thomas the Tank games. Do parents just tune out from the deafeningly loud discordant melodies and surreal dialogue or think everyone deserves to be subjected to “their world” once in a while?
But the thing that really rattles my cage is the selfish “I’m airborne so I’m going horizontal,” git who is normally sitting in front of us… and also usually a man. Please don’t think me being lesbian influences my perception of “males” it just happens to be that it is they who do the fiddle with seat belt buckles thing and partake in the dreaded “recline.”
Manchester to Bangkok
On one potentially fabulous flight, with Emirates travelling from Manchester to Bangcock (appropriately…) I had one such encounter with a recliner…
Emirates is an amazing airline to fly with. There’s always a great choice of entertainment, comfortable little extras and Kerry loves the free bar…
All was going tickety-boo, the air hostesses’ had excelled themselves in managing to organise a flight of passengers who had swapped seats & boarding passes. They had expertly handled the preflight phone users and persuaded others that yes, seatbelts are compulsory for taking off, even for stroppy 3-year-olds.
Kerry and I were completely bemused by the shenanigans, we concluded that we and our fellow Brits are definitely “rule keepers.” Well, that was the case until following the announcement that the “fasten seatbelt sign had been turned off.” This resulted in on mass huffing and clicking and the man in front of me, rapidly reclined, leaving me very little leg room for the 9-hour flight ahead. This man wasn’t just a recliner, but a tosser and turner (excuse the pun) OMG, I didn’t know it was humanly possible to move about so much in a confined space. As a result, my film was permanently in shake mode, that coupled with it being about 10 inches from my nose, resulted in me turning it off.
Sleep deprivation…
So… I was tired, this was a night flight, beyond cross with my inconsiderate “rapid recliner” hungry and in a “not fair” titty lip mood. Everyone else seemed perfectly happy… I asked the air hostess if I could move, the flight was full. She was sympathetic to the situation and asked the recliner if he could recline a little less. I didn’t understand his retort, she did but didn’t share – I gathered it was unsuccessful as the chair remained in my face.
With the arrival of his “food”, the recliner was asked to sit upright, which he did. Mine had yet to arrive and unbelievably, his chair was already back in recline mode! Clearly, he was unimpressed with his meal, I was absolutely livid and ready for killing him.
I remember feeling this rage building up inside me, gritting my teeth and well I just kind of exploded in temper. I leant as far back in the chair as possible, brought my legs up to my chest and then literally launched them forward with such ferocity, his seat shot forward and he was catapulted into his dinner tray! This was accompanied by a primaeval screech on my part and a completely mortified gasp of horror on Kerry’s…
First class Emirates
Luckily, I was not thrown off the flight. The air hostess had been highly trained in the art of public relations and her platitudes calmed the raging gent. During the entire kerfuffle, he did not once look at or address me personally. All in all, it was probably a good job! He may well have felt the wrath of my tongue as well as the force of my study thighs…
Tales for another day…
There was also an incident regarding a charming (to all the airport lounge except me) toddler. She was toddling up and down donning a pair of light up squeaky shoes. The squeak was pitched at the same level as a dog toy. Then there was the time we had to land somewhat previously, due to a woman (Yes a woman…) having taken an overdose of what may well have been antacid tablets. She clearly thought her foaming at the mouth might distract from her smoking in the toilet. Oh, the time when Kerry’s fingerprint matched that of an American felon. And an occasion when she was told by a check in attendant she had child issues and needed to get some counselling!!! Ironically she worked in a school at the time and was the counsellor…But they are tales for another time… hope you enjoyed reading!
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